Dear sirius
by destiny's emotions
Summary: harry writes a letter to his godfather, writing everything he feels ,everything he lost,everything he misses.cantains a little spoiler for book 7


_Dear Sirius,_

_You will never be able to receive this letter, but that won't stop me from writing it. I just want you to know that I'm sorry. It's my fault and my fault alone that you are not in this world to receive this, or anything else._

A seventeen-year-old boy with untidy looking raven black hair, was sitting behind a desk. Feverishly writing everything he felt on a piece of parchment. In his emerald eyes tears were shinning while he remembered one of the worst moments in his life. His scar was prickling encouraging him to write even faster. With every word, with every feeling, he lost a piece of him self, a piece of his innocents, a piece of Harry.

_I'll never forget the look in your eyes when you fell, when you left, to never come back again. I was cursed, with a scar, a life without a real family and then out of nowhere you came. You became the family I never had. The father I couldn't remember. You became so much for me, only to be painfully ripped away from me, again. Just like everything, I love and care about._

In the empty and dark room were Harry was pouring out his heart, you could here the screaming and crying in the castle. They were in the beginning, of the end. Loved ones had died people were wounded, from the inside and out. Tears were escaping behind his glasses, while he kept on writing, to his long lost godfather.

_Right know there is nothing left of me. I'm nothing but a hollow being trying so desperately to avoid the thoughts of you. You wouldn't want me to be sad for so long, but I am. I can't cry. Enough tears have been spilled, because of Tom Riddle. I have to be strong, for everybody. The world is counting on me. But when I'm alone, just like now, the feelings I so desperately avoid catches up with me and forces me to feel them. Like a dementor, they suck all the happiness out of me until I'm nothing more then a crying wreck not able to hold my self any longer. Even in the night the total darkness reminds me of all the mistakes I made, and all the things I've been through. I'm a shadow of what I used to be, a shadow of the eleven year old boy that never saw dead, the boy that never heard of a prophecy, didn't knew who Voldemort was, that didn't knew about the wonderful world of magic and the terror within. The little boy, that never lost a loved one and remembered it. When I just went to Hogwarts I was so happy as I could be. But I was only destined to taste that happy feeling for a short time, because everything collapsed on top of me. Why did this had to happen? Wasn't it enough that I was miserable my entire life. It's all I know and all what I will ever know, because my life has to end in one miserable hour. What kind of cruel joke is destiny playing with me? What did I do to disserve such a faith? Why out of every-one is it me, who looses everything and every-one he loves. Right now I miss you more then ever. I need you and your advice, because I really don't know what to do any longer. Here I am, writing a letter in the last moments of my life._

Tears were slowly running over Harry's bruised cheeks. Fleeing from his emerald eyes, taking all the feeling of safety and love with it. He now longer felt his heart, pounding like a madman against his chest, he now longer felt the fear blinding his eyes. He only felt the pain aching away his inside, leaving nothing, but the hollow being he was slowly becoming with every passing second.

_Everything that happened is my fault. Why does my life have to be so stupid? If I was never born, never existed, you, my mum, dad, Dumbledore, Cedric, Fred and a lot more people would have still be alive this day. How can I be the chosen-one destined to defeat Lord Voldemort if I'm the reason everyone dies, and I'm he next one to leave this earth. What if it doesn't help? What if I can't do it? What if I fail? I don't feel like the chosen-one, I didn't choose to be the-boy-who-lived. I am the-boy-who-so-desperately-wants-a-family. Ignore the tears that stain this letter, because they will be the last one I will cry, in this life. Because I want revenge, for you, and everyone who suffered on the hand of Lord Voldemort. I will revenge for all the pain he brought in this world. For everyone and everything he frightened, tortured, killed.  
I Harry James Potter will revenge. Because that's the only thing my heart still beats for, the only thing I really need to do. I want to rid the world of the shadows of the dark. I want to save the world of he-who-must-not-be-named and his cruel believes. Because he destroyed thousands if lives, including mine, and yours._

Harry was consumed by different feelings at once. Too much feelings a normal boy should handle, or could .The whole world was resting on his shoulders, slowly forcing him on his knees because the weight was to much for him to handle by himself. He didn't know how long he would be able to keep standing, he only knew that he had to be strong, strong for everyone. His feelings slowly spilled on the piece of parchment making it emotional, making it real. He wrote everything down on an old piece of parchment meant to reach his godfather, which it never will be able to.

_Sometimes, the only thing I want to do is to crawl in a corner and pity myself until the raging storm is over. Because the storm, the thunder, the noise shielded by total darkness frightens me. It threatens to swallow me into despair whispering that no one will care when I'm gone. That I will become nothing more then a neglected memory. It doesn't matter what **I** do, what** I **feel, or what **I** want, it never has, and it never will. I never asked to be the chosen-one, it happened. I would do everything to trade my scar for a normal life, but that won't happen. My life is the way it is, and I never asked for it, but that doesn't change the fact that I miss you, and I made a stupid mistake. I didn't realize the differents between reality and a dream, and I will be sorry for that, forever. I will be able to swallow my self-pity, because the final battle is approaching. And I will be there to get one step closer to show he–who–fears–dead his biggest fear._

Suddenly a heartbreaking scream interrupted Harry's thoughts.  
''No!'', a girl sobbed in a voice that Harry instantly recognized as Hermione's. ''Ron!'' He could here hasty footsteps running towards the end of the hall. ''Ron?'' a pause, it was silent for a couple of seconds. Hermione didn't knew what do. ''A-are you dead?'', she asked terrified for the answer. ''Do you really expect me to answer when I'm dead?'' , Ron said sarcastically.'' Ronald you really scared me.'' A tear of relieve rolled out of her chocolate brown eyes. She hastily ran the last few meters that kept the distance between the two bodies. And collapsed on top of him engulfing him in a tied hug. She could feel his heart pounding in his chest while her breathing went faster then it normally would. She absorbed every sign of life he gave, happily reassuring her self that he really wasn't dead.'' I really thought you died.'' She sobbed, letting all her emotions running free in the form of salty tears. Harry could hear Ron whispering reassuring words in her ears. Slowly Hermione lifted her self of Ron. Looking in his eyes that hid behind his red hair. Her once so pale cheeks had a dark red colour. '' W-we should find Harry.'' ''Yes we must '', Ron said in a whisper.'' You-know-who will be attacking the building in a half hour, we should find him, and make sure he doesn't go and surrender him self, trying to save our lives.  
''Ron?'', Hermione whispered , softly . '' Yes.'', he said locked in her brown eyes.'' She looked at the ground for a second before she brushed away his hair, so she could see his eyes clearly and started to speak.'' In case we don't make it out of this Ron, I want you to know something; I liked you for a long time. I-I… love you Ron.'' ''Hermione…''  
''Yes Ron ''. '' I've loved you since that day we defeated that troll. I was so scared, to admit it, to anyone. Hermione, you've been the reason I breathe, the reason I want to live. I love you more then anything in this world Hermione … I love you.  
Hermione slowly came closer to Ron's face, until she could see every freckle that made it Ron's. Slowly she brushed her lips against Ron's cold once, letting him know exactly how she felt, while kissing him softly.  
Harry had heard everything, he was surprised that Ron could show so much feeling, that in dark times like this, such sweet things could survive. He remembered why Voldemort must be destroyed when he heard the two of them leaving he turned back to his parchment, rereading it and writing the last sentences to his godfather.

_Even in times, like this, love can survive. Even in the darkest darkness the smallest spark will shine. What ever Voldemort does he will never be able to defeat love. Sirius I will always miss you, my life is not the same without you. My life is just an empty space and everything reminds me of you and the mistakes I made. But I will keep my head up, and revenge for you, and the whole world. I know that you will never receive this letter, but it feels good to act like you will. I have to go. I have to face Voldemort, for the last time. And have my revenge._

_The-chosen-one  
The-boy-who-lived  
Harry…just…Harry_


End file.
